I am a red-blooded man and I have a lot of sex. I’m not afraid to say it. Often times it’s mediocore. Sometimes it’s bad. And on a few occasions, it is mindblowingly fantastic! One of those happened last week. I have a regular sex buddy that I hadn’t seen in a while. Work and an overly active social life were making it difficult for me to drive to his place. Last week, the universe aligned and I found myself in his bedroom having an amazing time. On the drive home, I got a text from him where he said those dreaded three words, “I love you.”
I always dread it when I hear or read those words, especially when I know I don’t currently and probably won’t ever feel the same. Do I lie and say the words back just to ensure I keep getting laid? Or do I say nothing and hope it’s fine? Or do I do the honorouble thing and tell the truth, risking the end of a rather pleasant sexual relationship? I resent having to make this choice, especially post-coital in the middle of the night on my way home! And I especially resent having to make that choice because I always make it very clear when I embark on any kind of relationship with someone what I want from the relationship. I learned a few years ago to put everything out in the open as quickly as possible. This is perhaps a bit of a vain attempt not to lead someone into heartbreak and hurt. I call it vain because this assumes that every person I come into contact with is going to develop deep feelings with me. But, what can I say, I am a very lovable person.
Back to this particular night. I chose not to say anything until the next morning. I called him before I went to work and laid out all my cards. I reiterated that my feelings hadn’t changed since we first started hooking up. We couldn’t be more than we were. I told him it was up to himto take the next step. I haven’t heard from him since, and you know, that’s ok. We had a great run. My sex life continues. I just hope I haven’t turned imto my worst nightmare; a 30-something cynical gay man who doesn’t believe in love anymore!