Be you, be happy

By Sir Noir

Tafara is Bisexual.

So are Ben, Themba, Vincent and Simba. Other than their sexual preferences and nationality, they also have something in common; I tried to get on with every one of them.

Tafara is 22. He has actually never had a girlfriend nor has he slept with women. But he is not a virgin. He has only ever been with guys and still insists he is bi-sexual. Themba is 30, homophobic and calls everyone a pussy and he does nothing else in bed except lie on his back or his face. Ben and Simba both have girlfriends who work in South Africa who they never regularly visit.

This is the reality among a lot of gay men in Zimbabwe. Even at 32, some men are still praying the gay away. Claiming they are half straight or have at least been with a woman at least once seems to have been hammered in a lot of gays as an indicator that you are a true man. All these guys are surprised when I tell them that I am 100% gay and have never tried to cross the line. I think, in a way, this has intimidated all of them.

Drama of course is abundant with this lot. When Themba is with people, and is talking to you on the phone, he refers to you with female pronouns. I may like men, but I am still a man and you are going to refer to me with the appropriate pronouns. When with Ben, you have to act as straight as you can, although he walks with a very obvious gay gait.

I truly trust there are people who are truly bisexual and are genuinely attracted to the both sexes. A lot of men in Zimbabwe, however, who identify as bisexual are truly gay and are trying to hide their gay because of the attitude that our society has towards homosexuals. And a lot of us hide who we are to the world unless we feel safe. But to believe that lie internally would be a tragedy.

I may be wrong. My friend calls me a baby gay. I came out to fellow gays later in life. I do not know many things that ‘come naturally’ to the gays like 80s music and films and fashion and I just became recently obsessed with Lady Gaga.

There is nothing as liberating as living life as your true self. I never advocate for people to walk with their gay on their forehead. We live in a dangerous society for our kind. I however think that admittance to self about who you truly are is important. And to share that person with people who are like you or who understand why you are that way is important. But then again, I am a baby gay. My ideas of gay are extremely underdeveloped.

Granted, each one of us has the right to come out in our own way and at our own terms. I am now in the phase where I am now telling new friends that before the friendship goes too far and I cannot undo the lies of being straight. And it has been amazing. Although you get those that will stop talking to you immediately, most are intrigued and want to hook you up with the gays they have only ever heard about and want you to hook them up with girls because apparently, gays have a reputation of hanging out with hot girls.

My name is Sir Noir and I am gay Zimbabwean. No pretense of who I love. And I am a very happy man.

Guest bloggers

It’s been a whole nine months since my last post. I’ve been working on my career, and doing pretty damn well. I’m also working on going back to school this year! That’s the short story on why I’ve been so quiet online. So instead of leaving my blog blank, I’ve invited a few of my friends to contribute articles to the blog. I’ll be publishing those as I get them. It should be really fun and exciting to read some other perspectives on life as young gay black Zimbo!